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The current period signifies a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. At the time, the idea that someone could abruptly cease contact with a partner without a word seemed like the height of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, finding a significant other has only become more perplexing – an frequently pointless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted challenge on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the words gen Z is using to discuss romance, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – According to gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your real, raw self. Best wishes with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s response is interested or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to seeking out someone who aids you proactively. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do affordable dating in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing communication, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral traits indicating a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks confirm your choice to date a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group many young men likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday repulsions that instantly extinguish any sense of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {